love is the drug

my head hurts. my plan to address the issues in my life through excessive alcohol consumption was a smashing success (please pardon the pun). i got a buzz on and smoothed out the rough edges... mostly.

but the problem with my choice of venue for my mini-bender was, well, it's a place i love. worse, it's a place WE love. the lyric goes, every inch of this city reminds me of you. everywhere we went, through the swirl of people and activity, all i saw was the times we walked the streets of our beloved new orleans. hell, if you want to get right down to it, that's the city that made us fall in love with each other. we met in our hometown, we flirted on neutral ground, we had dalliances in our current city, but it was new orleans, with its dark, dusty magic, that drew the lover out of him. i sat down for a drink at our bar, where our bartender noted his absence. his aura was everywhere; thus, the escape, though pleasant, was incomplete at best.

i went to bed last night, having successfully wrangled some semblance of peace for my jangled nerves through heavy yet controlled imbibing, tired, but feeling pretty confident that i could at least get some sleep without him. nestled in his t-shirt, still smelling of him, i drifted into a slow, light sleep. buzz. hmm. that's my phone. who's texting me? everyone's either here or asleep. i picked up the phone to investigate further.  

guess who...

and just like that, the clouds lifted. we only texted a few times, but just seeing those words on the screen soothed every raw edge in my body. and as we parted company for the night, he left me with one last message, apropos for the evening i'd had: don't do anything i wouldn't do. love you. as i wrote back that i love him, too, all the angst, the hurt and the sheer worry of the day fell away. it was just that simple, just that quick, and just that powerful. loving him really is a drug for me. when he's with me, or even when i'm able to be in touch with him, it's a form of comfort that i can't articulate. when he's not around, i go through withdrawals. consider yesterday's sturm und drang to be my own personal boyfriend-related DTs. i just need to know he's available, especially under stressful conditions such as these. all i need at times like this is that little, tiny reminder. love you.

always, my dear. love you too. :)

in the car

you can't go on thinking nothing's wrong
who's gonna drive you home tonight?
 - "drive," the cars

some days, the weight of the world gets to be too much. lord knows there was a ton of that this weekend. my beloved saints? yeah, we're not going to talk about that. it's cold. i think my body hates me, based on how many varied aches, pains and ailments it's throwing at me. and that's not even getting into the unimaginable sorrow and rage of the attempted assassination of a congresswoman.

so what did i do? i got in the car and went for a drive. ostensibly, it was to run errands; the man needed a key made, but had a call today, so i volunteered to do it. (i am not doing ANYTHING until a week for tomorrow. i. am. BORED.) but once that was done, i wasn't ready to go back and sit in a chair while everyone else lived their lives. so i wound my way around the metro DC area, fighting traffic, blasting music and getting my thoughts in order. it was so restorative that even the light swearing i had to do while negotiating probably my least favorite intersection in the area didn't stress me out.

maybe other people aren't like this, but i am. there is nothing that settles my soul more than being alone in the car with my thoughts for a little while. it may not cure my ills, but controlling a slick rolling ton of american-made steel sure does salve me for awhile. it's the little things, eh?