as it happens, old habits die hard. my old life came shrieking into my new life with a vengeance tonight; i've spent all day dealing with problems 1,100 miles away from my double-sided little haven in the mid-atlantic. on the one hand, i love solving, doing, thinking and applying. but on the other hand, this is the same damn thing that got me in this mess in the first place: handling all the business.
when you have relationships that last a long time, they just have this way of twining themselves around every fiber of your being. it's really like kudzu, which any good southern kid will tell you has a way of covering everything in its path with no discretion or mercy. the vines just grow and grow, and it's basically impossible to do anything about it. so this is my challenge. i need a machete or something, just to slash and burn and regain myself. i mean, with all the clarity i've gained in this short little time i've been alone, to suffer a setback now would be...
no. we're not even going to contemplate that possibility. one day at a time. i am not going to let the past bowl me over and swallow me whole, digging up vulnerabilities and hurting me. not even close. i didn't come this far to let these dusty vines define my life. it's a new day, and that's all there is to it.
Hello world!
8 months ago
Unfortunately I know exactly what you mean, but I just cant bring myself to get out my machete and do the work to pull myself out of this.
ReplyDeleteI'm jealous of how strong you seem to be.
thanks for the vote of confidence. this does not come easily to me; it's really hard to fight on. but i don't see any other choice, so i just do. it hurts like a bastard, it really does, but it's the only path i can find.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, too. Sometimes it's hard to just do what you need to do.
ReplyDelete