high roller [TRUE STORY]

i was never rich. i was never poor, either. well, at least not that i ever knew. when i was a kid, i never wanted for anything. we had a decent, not-too-special place to live, cars for both parents (and later for me), dinners in restaurants, and many, many, MANY expensive extracurricular activities. i didn't know how much my dad gave up in his life to make damn sure i never had to go without something important to me. (yet another reason why i admire the hell out of my dad.)

so i came to my professional life with a sense of gratitude to the level of pay i received for my services. i always appreciated my jobs, even when they sucked. i came to law school to get a grounding in my profession of choice, not necessarily to be rich. that'd be nice, don't get me wrong; i love me some nice living, fancy hotels, etc., etc., etc. but i've spent the last three academic years studying law not solely for the money. i come to it because i love the law.

but! i am looking at, someday, a significant upgrade in my lifestyle once i get situated in my gig. i went to a dinner last night as part of the law center's fundraising campaign. and i'm not going to lie - the legal profession is some rarefied air for a teacher's kid. i don't know how many of my classmates are used to this life, but there's still kind of a shine to my future to me. maybe that's naive. maybe i have a slightly more retro look at work and wealth. i don't know. but what i do know is that, especially with my dream grad program ahead of me, things are gonna change.

change is good. positive change is better. it will be SO. FREAKING. NICE. to be comfortable economically. but with this upgrade will come some adjustments in my life. it'll be interesting to see where that takes me. the future. hmm. time for me to keep my head, stay true to my roots, and remember where i've been. that'll keep me nice and grounded, wherever i go.

popular mechanics

love is perhaps one of the most misunderstood concepts in the entire human condition. god knows we here in the ol' U-S-of-A don't have our heads on straight about it. we have chosen to build so much of our social fabric on these weird pillars: love, marriage, family, etc., etc., etc. and yet, a lot of these properties, which we've bound together, have next to nothing to do with each other.

i personally don't believe that we were put on this earth solely to couple off and perpetuate the race. being a heathen who's just really not that fond of kids, this is an understandable impulse. but more importantly, the older i get, the more i realize that the "bedrocks" of love and marriage are skewed beyond belief and, honestly, they're totally unrealistic. this is just not a good way to run a railroad, folks.

there's no denying the biological imperative exists. i may not have it, but it's out there - i've read a lot of people's writing about pining for the kid, the husband/wife/partner, and all that. but there are a couple of wrinkles to all this that we as americans are just not willing to face. the biggest one, BY FAR, is that love is not enough to make a coupling successful. there's a big difference between loving someone and being able to run a life with that person. there are people in my life that i love dearly, care about with all my heart and soul, and enjoy to no end. those people are also ROYALLY incompatible as life partners: we are at such crossed purposes about where, when and how to go about things. this is reality; sometimes love just ain't enough.

there are a number of approaches to this problem that american society proposes. largely, though, it perpetuates the myth that if you love each other hard enough, you can soldier through anything. bunk. this sort of rose-colored foolishness keeps the wedding and rom-com industry active, but it's no way to live. i propose instead that, when you're looking at your partner and thinking about THE FUTURE, you look long and hard at the mechanics. it's cold, hyper-rational, and on a number of levels, it brings the coupling/marriage process back to what it was in the beginning - a property arrangement with political and socioeconomic implications. marriage was not love-based until recently, kids.

romance is far from dead. it's just far from relevant when planning how to live the rest of your life. you can learn to be gooey-sweet romantic with someone you can run a life with. you can't reverse the process without trying to fundamentally change the person you supposedly love. that's not fair to either of you. bring your mind as well as your heart to the table, and you'll save yourself a lot of grief in the end.

seven days

i've finished seven days of "yoga month 2010: the en-sleek-ening." i'm really not sure what i think at this point. the classes themselves are great. the results? eh, mixed at best. i'm feeling a little stronger, and the poses are coming more easily, but i'm not sure it's translating to quantifiable weight loss (or qualitative toning/shaping/etc.). that's frustrating as hell, given all the work i've put in. but there are 23 more days to go, including today; there's time yet to improve.

physical improvement programs have always caused me angst and grief. first of all, it's annoying to be a girl-type person and lose weight. boys lose weight at a rate that's startling to me. my favorite sports blogger lost 50 pounds in 3 1/2 MONTHS. that is SO not fair. it took me damn near a year to lose the same amount of weight, doing largely the same sort of thing. grrr.

but biological gender difference aside, sigh, i think there's an inherent expectation among the high-achieving in the world that everything should come easily. i am SO guilty of this. i expect to be able to master anything i try quickly, largely because that's always been the way things have worked for me intellectually. (god, that sounds arrogant. but it's the truth.) but as much as i've achieved with my mind, i have struggled with sports, exercise regimens, etc. that kills me.

so this challenge is not only physical, it's attitude-related as well. i need to push to show myself that results can happen if i try hard enough. hell, i got into my dream grad program. i can sure as hell stick to an exercise regime. and i might even get something out of it as well. i hope, anyway.

shameless self-promotion time! [TRUE STORY]

your humble blog-prietor has been published. i am pleased beyond belief that people thought enough of my writing to put it in a compilation with some damn fine authors. and since i am nothing if not an accolade collector, i'm sharing this with you. go see me, and a TON of great writers, in the inaugural issue of drop of ink. you'll be glad you did!