Friday, June 25, 2010

cycles

we are such creatures of habit when we want to be, aren't we? today was just a case study in repeating behaviors, both intentionally and unintentionally. i started my day like about 600,000 other people in this country: in line for my shiny new phone. (which, can i just tell you, is AMAZING. LOVE.) it was either going to be a smooth process or a total debacle. it was the latter. total wait time: five hours, 42 minutes, from start of wait until receipt e-mailed. i am totally insane for doing that. but that's not the repetition, nor will it EVER be repeated again. the repetition came when we all started chatting in line together. i mean, if you're going to be somewhere with all these people, may as well make the best of it. i spent the morning talking to a guy, average height, average looks, amazing clothes and clearly brilliant. it's like i'm a magnet, though, because yet again, we see the species homo pedantus. this guy was my usual type - snarky, not-quite-condescending-but-pretty-damn-close tech-boy know-it-all. i swear, i conjure these boys from some celestial storehouse where they mash ego and intellect together. and what did i do? i e-mailed him. of course i did. repeat the cycle, yet again.

and then, on the other side of the coin, i find myself repeating behaviors in other contexts. once more, into the breach; i find myself problem-solving for people i shouldn't be. i am the one who can fix it, right? yeah, no. i need to stop, i need to let it go. the only saving grace i've found in THAT little vicious circle is that i am a little more impervious to emotional displays than i used to be. when everything falls apart, instead of rushing in with duct tape and soothing words, i am now the cold voice of reason. i think that answers a lot of questions, to be honest. it answers questions i didn't even know had been asked.

it also gives me hope - a little, anyway - that all these cycles will eventually have an end. 

5 comments:

  1. The news was showing "the line" at the store here. Out the mall doors and into the parking lot.

    Homo pendantus may be new favorite way to describe someone.

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  2. I think we are all pretty guilty of repeating the cycle.. I go out sometimes and think, not this time, NOT going to try to meet guys.. And I never stick to it, and I am only half interested and the whole thing just becomes a mess.

    Best,

    Hannah Katy

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  3. "this guy was my usual type - snarky, not-quite-condescending-but-pretty-damn-close tech-boy know-it-all. i swear, i conjure these boys from some celestial storehouse where they mash ego and intellect together. and what did i do? i e-mailed him. of course i did. repeat the cycle, yet again."

    Wait. That's YOUR type? I thought that was MY type. Do you like boys who are generally of slim build too? Because we may have to have words. :-)

    I have absolutely no advice on not repeating that type of cycle.

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  4. I don't know if anything is worth waiting in line that long to me...

    But I am a total creature of habit, and if things get messed up I get messed up and it takes like a week for things to balance out again. Boo.

    It's HARD to stop helping people that don't deserve it or need it...and when you don't help someone it eats at you for a while. I hope with practice that feeling goes away, and you have more time to devote to yourself, your happiness, and helping the people you actually care for.

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  5. I always seem to be behind the curve on so many different things... :o\

    Hmmm...

    ~shoes~

    ReplyDelete

your turn.