god, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
this, my friends, is the serenity prayer. i know, right - me, quoting prayers? it's like in to kill a mockingbird, when the foot-washing baptists run away from miss maudie, thinking that the devil was surely quoting scripture for his own purposes. but i learned it when my mom was heavy into AA, and frankly, i kinda like it. i picked this little jewel up when i was six years old, and in the intervening two-and-a-half decades, it's come through for me as a centering piece time and time again.
so you can bet that it's been running through my brain like the sound of horse hooves for the last 20 hours or so. see, the man is a genius consultant. he works with people who do amazing things with nonprofits and non-governmental organizations. his clients do their stuff all over the world, and generally where there's great need. being that we're in the metro DC area, our nation's capital and all, his client base is pretty much all centered here, though, so that's no biggie. until now, anyway. the newest entry on his client slate is really gung-ho for his skills. how could you not be - he's freaking brilliant at what he does. and there's the rub. he's so brilliant that they want him to go into the field and help them with their operations in country.
in africa. and a particularly dodgy corner thereof.
oh, color me thrilled about this. it was announced to me last night that this is happening in a mere nine days. i have bad news, and i need you to not freak out. um, hon, here's a hint: if you introduce the idea with this prologue, you're almost guaranteed to trigger preemptive freaking out. but really, i took it well. i just didn't say anything. he held my hand. are you okay? well, i kind of have to be, don't i? this is the kind of professional opportunity that can put a businessman like him on the map. it's prestigious as hell. i am, beyond the vague fear, so unbelievably proud of him that i can't stand it. but yeah, i'm going to worry. you're freaking out, aren't you? i didn't say anything. but yes, love, i am worried.
so this is the big test. this is the ultimate strain on the serenity prayer as a mantra, a balm, a way to soothe myself. i know rationally that nothing bad is going to happen, that he's going to wow them with his skills and really set his practice in motion more than ever. but for that nine-day stretch of time that he's away from me, flying literally halfway around the world? i'm going to worry.
accept the things i cannot change. this is the modest task that is my charge. and folks, i'm going to need all the help that i can get...
Letter 70: Be Louder
5 days ago