"oh, it's opening time down on fascination street, so let's cut the conversation and get out for a bit..."
leave it to the bad influence in me to drag you out tonight. you're so much more content to stay in the house and drink beer, but now that you're with me, you may be forced to take me out every once in awhile. i mean, you should be pretty damn proud to be seen with a woman like me. i cut quite an exceptional figure when i want to, and tonight i've really done it up right.
"because i feel it all fading and paling, and i'm begging to drag you down with me to kick the last nail in."
i've lived a hard life the last couple of years. i've drank too much, gambled too hard, and you've been complicit in all of it. i'm better now; a lot more stable, a lot more sanguine. but there are still these dark rivers of mood in me that need to be worked out in the worst kinds of ways. so you're still on the hook. take me out tonight. take me anywhere, i don't care, i don't care, i don't care.
"yeah, i like you in that, like i like you to scream, but if you open your mouth then i can't be responsible for quite what goes in or to care what comes out..."
sometimes the mood so strikes, and i turn into someone else when it happens. this is one of those nights. i like to watch you watch me work, watch me pin you to the spot with my eyes. you're going to be mine tonight, and while you knew that before you came here, you don't know what dark secrets i'm going to unleash on you. you'll bleed for me before this night is done, figuratively if not literally. i like you this way: on your toes, cautious, unsure. you're usually the one with all the confidence, all the control. but you're going to see how the other half lives once i get enough champagne in me. you've been the boss long enough. i hurt tonight; because i do, you're going to hurt as well.
"and let's move to the beat like we know that it's over..."
it's not really your fault. you've done the best you could to reassure me. but you know what? sometimes the darkness is stronger than the force of your will. and that's why i've got you out here tonight. you'll endure this, because i'm worth it to you. you're actually dancing with me, following the lead i give you. that's the way it works tonight. and you'll eat it up like sugar candy, because i told you to. that's the twist i want, and it's what you'll give me. this may as well be the last night on earth for the way i feel. i will get what i want. and that's you, on your knees for me.
someday, you will ache like i ache. and that day is now. feel it. feel it all. that's the only way you'll know what you've gotten yourself into.
Letter 70: Be Louder
5 weeks ago