feeling like this worries me. it's in my nature. when things are this nice, this even, this fulfilling... well, damn. it makes me jumpy. i mean, it's not a cynic's way to look at life and see 72 degrees and sunny all over the place. i am much more accustomed to the agitation, the drama, the uncertainty. but life has provided me with untold amounts of comfort and assurance in the past few days.
my graduate program started tonight. and despite the fact that they gave as much time to the campus ministry staff that they did to the tax law program, it was a wonderful experience. i had pleasant conversations with a couple of potential new friends and got myself used to my new academic home. after the program ended, i took the train home, walked into my new apartment and took a good look around. there are still boxes freaking everywhere, but it's really starting to look and feel like home. damn if i'm not proud when i look at this place. it screams, well, me. my diplomas hang on the wall. it's just chocked to the gills with the sense of being MINE. i haven't felt this way about a space in which i've lived in, well, never, actually.
as i live and breathe. it's weird to say this in a season of what should be mourning the past, what's ending, and what i'm leaving behind, but i am so damn content i can't stand it. the future is so full of promise that it's ridiculous to even contemplate. i have no idea what it'll be, but there's a lot of good in front of me. i'm about to go through a tough academic year that will open doors for me that i never foresaw even being able to come near. i've got the love and comfort of good, close friends. i'm about to end some associations that have only held me back.
it's enough to make a girl believe. almost.
Letter 70: Be Louder
5 days ago