Thursday, October 7, 2010


this is supposed to be the season of my liberation. i'm finally supposed to be free. i'm getting the last of my education, i'm in a brand-new relationship, and i'm on my way forward into my new life. but today, after some back-of-the-envelope math, i realized once and for all that my old life is just not going to let me go that easily.

translation: kids, your humble blog proprietor is 110% BROKE.

i've survived on a small amount of money before. hell, that's how i got through undergrad; i scraped by, barely eating anything, and it was fine. but this time, i've had eight years of adult life, which means eight years of adult debt to rack up. my rent and utilities will be covered, as will my phone bill. y'know, the important stuff. but when i was with my ex, we lived like, well, like idiot twenty-somethings, and now i am left holding the bag. i'm sure it shocks none of you that all of this stuff was in my name. boy, is that coming back to haunt me.

this is utterly terrifying. i literally have no idea what to do about this. i'm going to have to have a tough talk with my ex about giving me more money this year. that much is true. he's going to push back. i know it. it's going to be EXCRUCIATING. but more immediately, i'm going to have to figure out a way to get by. i have a very small amount of property to sell. i'm still waiting for my deposit check back from my old landlord (and i'm about to get REALLY ornery over it, too). but that's not going to help that much. i'm looking for work right now, which i think is a really scary proposition given how hard this program is, but i don't think i have a choice right now.

it'll be OK in the long run. i'll get through this one way or another. but that doesn't make this moment any less terrifying. the noose is around my neck. it's going to take some quick thinking to get it off. and in the meantime, the stranglehold gets a little bit tighter every second.


  1. I have a very similar noose around my neck but for different reasons. I think we just have to keep trying to keep our heads above water and hope to hell things turn around soon...or we win the lottery! xxoo

  2. (new reader here, found you via verybadcat)

    You're definitely not alone - I did the same thing through my twenties and even though now i know how to manage my money i have such a debt hangover its proving to be really difficult to actually do.

    You will get through it and it will make you so strong x

  3. Been there. Wouldn't it be great if we had the ability to time travel and smack the crap out of our younger selves?

  4. Financial things suck. Plain and simple. And being a student never helps the financial situation. Hopefully you'll be able to find a solution for now so you can finish your education without worry.

  5. Umm, I spent an entire blog post ranting about how frustratingly suffocating my own financial situation is. So, YEAH. I HEAR you, lady.

    But, we untangle the noose ourselves, thread by thread by thread if necessary.

  6. That sounds terrible! I really hope things get easier and you find a job you actually enjoy. I remember being broke a while back and it was something I stressed about every day.

  7. I think a lot of us have hit these kinds of snags before. I was in a similar hole a few years ago and it DID get much better. Of course there was the initial struggle, but unfortunately life can never just be EASY dammit.

    Fingers crossed for you on on the job front and I hope your landlord gets his ass in gear and sends you that check!

  8. As someone who was in your shoes once, you will be fine. It just takes some patience and ingenuity

  9. Money sucks. Nuf said. I am totally with you on the struggles, going into overdraft one too many times lately (and I am responsible, too, but clearly am misjudging some bills!). We do just get through it, and I know you will too.


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