Thursday, April 1, 2010


oh, freaking hell. and just like that, life gets complicated as anything again. basically, it breaks down like this. i have two scenarios from which to choose, both of which have good and bad points. the choice i make - and it must be made as soon as possible - will have serious repercussions on my future. not excessively self-reflective, i-think-they're-serious-but-they're-really-not repercussions, but the real deal. i literally have no idea what to do.

scenario #1
pros: i get to go home. i go back to my hometown, to an amazing grad program in my favorite place on earth. i get incredible, prestigious professional training.
cons: i have to move there as a married woman, putting a serious delay in my plans to be free.

scenario #2
pros: i get to be free. i get to live in a new city. i get pretty good professional training at a pretty well-respected grad program. i also get to do this without any restrictions on my personal life.
cons: i'd have to turn down the best program i got into to do this.

ugh. rational self-interest is my new watchword; i try to do the best possible thing for myself at all times these days. but there's a big problem here. what's best for me professionally and what's best for me personally are not the same here. i'd have to seriously undercut myself professionally to do the best thing personally. conversely, i'd have to seriously undercut myself personally to do the best thing professionally. this is the hardest choice i've ever had to make, and i have a matter of days to make it.

i know i said before that i was going to start relying on myself more often. but this one's too big for me. i'm opening the floor for advice. what would you do? no promises that i'll actually do what the consensus suggests, but i definitely need some input here. i've never been this lost in my life. help!


  1. Option 1. Go home. This school & this place are your dream. Not to mention the doors that may open as a result of going with Option 1, that are less likely than with Option 2. Your personal life WILL sort itself out. Your freedom WILL happen, even if it takes a bit longer & is more complicated than if you went with option 2. But you will never have the chance at a "do-over" for Option 1. Don't set yourself up for that kind of regret. The entire rest of your life could be drastically changed by this decision - your personal life, again, WILL sort itself out regardless of where you go. Don't settle for Option 2 because it's the easier choice right now for your personal life.

    And don't make me reveal myself and come knock some sense into you for passing on Option 1. Congrats on getting in. I am so, so, so thrilled for you. Please don't pass this opportunity up.

  2. Consider the implications of a) having a professional life that you have waited your whole life for at the cost of being personally miserable and b) having the personal life that you desire at the cost of something you've wanted for a long, long time. Can you deal with having everything that you want professionally just to be "stuck" in other areas of your life? Can you deal with the resentment you may develop as a result of taking option #2 or will it be so worth the consequences? I know I'm supposed to offer an opinion here, but I'm a Gemini and I have no opinions.

    Also, I think your amazing and will be successful no matter what, so there.

  3. Option 1. Annon said it first and best. Take the professional opportunity because this is your shot. You can always sort out the other thing later.

  4. i think y'all are right. i just needed some pushing, i think. (and thanks for the kind words!) these things always look better in the light of day.

  5. Opition 1 because you have to take opportunity when it's there. The personal stuff can be sorted out later. Passing up a dream will haunt you forever.

  6. You're not doing yourself or your "ball and chain" any favors by stringing him along. Go to the place of your dreams, live in poverty on a shoestring. You can have both.


your turn.