i'm in one of those emotional places that tends to cause issues. not dangerous ones, just annoying or problematic ones. i have four exams: tuesday, saturday, monday and next thursday. i have a TON of work to do to get ready for them. and do i care?
NOPE. not a damn sight. in the words of one of my fellow LL.M. burnouts, like honey badger, i just don't give a fuck. it was possibly an error in judgment to go back to school after i earned my law license. i could not give a rip about this. here are the things i currently care about, in order:
1) the man
2) my friends far and wide
3) the job (23 days until i'm a wage-earning grownup again! eee!)
4) the conference in miami next week
5) the baseball games i'm attending today, tomorrow and monday
6) the caps series (stupid tampa bay.)
7) my waistline
8) school. kinda.
what the hell? i used to be queen of the school buffs. i wasn't that kid who'd remind the teacher to give out homework, but i'd obsess over everything assigned. even when i developed a procrastination problem in high school, i still turned out good work. but now i'm confronted with a dilemma: i do NOT care about doing the work, but i DO care about the results. it's problematic, to say the least. in fact, i should be working right now. am i? that's a negative. i'm watching the draft and, well, doing this. motivation and i are not friends, and i clearly have issues with priorities.
but the sun is out, the sky is blue, and i have no damn drive whatsoever. this is not a combination for academic success. let's see if i can force myself into doing things right for the rest of the exam period. push, push, push, right?
sigh.
Hello world!
1 month ago
i struggled with this, was tortured by it actually, since i was (pardon the yelling) ALREADY FUNCTIONING WELL IN THE POSITION I WAS GETTING THE DEGREE TO "DESERVE".
ReplyDeleteand in the end, that was what i fed on: i wasn't doing this to learn, though i certainly did learn. i was doing this to prove that i was worthy of a life i had already made.
so if it's the results you care about, then i would focus on that. for me, it was walking across a stage in a cap and gown for the first time in my life and flipping the bird to the folks who dared look down their noses at me because i hadn't managed it before.
still hope to do that someday, but i'm a lot more concerned these days with reaching my own goals and not meeting asshole expectations.
I'm excited for you to be done and start your new job!
ReplyDeleteThen you can start paying off student loans! For the rest of forever!
I totally understand-I'm in finals now, too! The nice weather is both and blessing and a curse for times like these. I used my front porch today which helped me get work done, but also made me wish I wasn't in school.
ReplyDeleteUgh. You sound a bit burnt out my dear, but you are ALMOST at the end of the tunnel and I'm sure it'll feel much more worth it then, than it may feel now. Nice weather is a plus though!
ReplyDelete