Friday, January 14, 2011

talk to me

your humble author, as you have clearly seen, can be a giant ball of anxiety at times. i am given to worry on a fairly regular basis. sometimes, most times even, i am able to seek solace with the fond embrace of my love. but what to do when the source of the anxiety is something that involves him?

i tried to have a conversation with him tonight, wishing to clear up something that had been weighing on my mind of late. but his style is... to call him stoic insults stoics. taciturn. the strong, SILENT type. so my worries and queries were met with crickets. now, don't get me wrong; he wasn't unresponsive. but a simple soothing just was - and is - not gonna get it done tonight. i wanted answers, discourse. his opinion mattered, and he would. not. give. it. just frustrating as hell.

so that's why i'm writing this instead of lying in his arms right now. i love him dearly. but right now, a pat on the head just ain't gonna get it done. someday, that might make sense to him. but until it does, he's going to have to see that silence is not always golden in my world.


  1. we men are notorious stonewallers; a big part of this is that we don't have the same facility with words that women do, so when you hit us with a topic (particularly involving our feelings, which we're sort of deaf to; we're color-blind for feelings - not that we don't have them, just that we don't feel them as fiercely as you all do) sometimes we are struggling to put our feelings into a sensible statement and when frustrated with our inability we just shut up.

    After being married for a few years now though, I've learned (the hard way) that silence/stonewalling is unfair and destructive to the relationship. My wife forces me to talk when I don't want to and it starts with the knowledge that silence is unfair. Sometimes I tell her that I need to cool off before I can talk, so she knows that it's not silence/stonewalling, but just a temporary time out. But at the end of the day we have to talk whether I like or or I'm good at it or not.

  2. Hmmm... without getting into the crux of the matter, what is in play here? I would think that if you have questions you need answers to, they should be answered. Of course, you referred to him as 'Stoic'... maybe that's a difference between the two of you. Would/Could that be a deal breaker as far as the relationship goes??

    I hope otherwise, you are having a great day and have a fun weekend ahead...


  3. This sounds so frustrating! I'm definitely a sit-down-and-talk-it-out kinda girl, so people that don't just don't make sense to me at all. i hope this gets better soon!

  4. UGH silence is really tough. As is stubbornness. I know you are both strong enough in your relationship to get through it and really communicate. But waiting till he's ready is going to be hard, I'm sure. Hang in there dear.


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