Thursday, July 1, 2010

soul food

tonight was a big damn deal for me. i mean HUGE. i did something i never, ever do: i went out socially ALONE, to a bar, just to talk to people. i have been described as someone who likes to be around people, to the point where i was told (disdainfully) that, "you're... SOCIAL." but i usually need at least one other person with me as backup to truly shine. i mean, in my old life, when i was sent out into the world to network, i would totally shut down without someone from the office there with me as support.

well, given what i'm in the process of doing to my emotional and social life, that's just not gonna fly. i can't rely on others to charge my batteries; if i want to go and do, i can't sit around and wait for partners in crime. so tonight i put the books down, dolled myself up and swaggered on into a downtown watering hole 100% solo. and you know something? i did not die. no one hurt me, i was not laughed at. in fact, i started conversations with total strangers that led to actual connections. it was fun. and moreover, i was myself without any kind of spurring or crutches. i didn't need someone standing there with me to validate my presence. i did it. and it felt really, really good.

and by god, that counts for a lot. i can do this. i will do this. i got the deeply vital social interaction that i need, and i got it without help. damn. moving forward may not be so hard after all.


  1. Nope... you can go out... as always, for any of us, just be aware... be alert... don't trust others for your safety... Hell, I'm a guy, and I even pay attention to my surroundings...



  2. oh, always - my daddy raised me right. :)

  3. i had a great time talking to you!

  4. After living in Jacksonville, N.C., Killeen and Beaumont, Texas, I'm past master at the whole "going out alone" thing. In February, while cut off from my District friends, I went out a bunch on my street and got to know some interesting people.

    Sounds like you had a good time.

  5. Wow, I give you SO MUCH CREDIT!!! I have not done that myself but it's on my "singles bucket list" to do - you are my idol! :-)

  6. @jesse - likewise! :)

    @jolene - aw, you make me blush! i finally got to a point where the anxiety triggers of "OMG I AM ALONE" hurt less than not going out and doing. funny thing about that.

    @FD - yeah, it was fun. i'm now ready to do it again sometime.

  7. WOW, you are brave. I like to think of myself as an independent person, but really, I don't even like going grocery shopping alone!

  8. It was great meeting you last night! I'm so glad that you came out. Yay you for charging your own batteries :)!

  9. Good for you! I wish I had your guts. I'm pretty awkward and shy so I would not do that very well.


your turn.