Friday, June 4, 2010

chia-like, i shall grow

thanks to a random act of bloggy generosity, i went to a wine tasting today. (thanks!) it was just the sort of thing i used to love to do in my old life, the one thing i liked to do for myself in the time when i wasn't myself. i really like good wine, learning about it, discovering new blends, vintages, vineyards, etc. after i went to the tasting, a new friend and i went to dinner at one of my favorite places in this town. dinner on the patio, right there in the smack middle of the crazy busy city that i love so well.

tonight, for the first time since all the weirdness began a few years back, i finally started to get a sense that a corner has been rounded. yeah, the next few months are going to hurt like a bastard. there's no getting around this. but there are little green tendrils of hope sprouting in my life. i'm starting to prove to myself that i, alone, can forge a life. i knew this intellectually all along, mind you, but there's a huge element of fear attached to making a change of this magnitude. i can now look at myself in the mirror and say, "self, you can do this. look; here's the evidence." with careful attention to detail, and a willingness to cast off the reticence and just freaking DO IT ALREADY, this will happen.

hell. i got myself a law degree in the midst of all of this. if i can do that, i can do ANYTHING. i can emerge from this fog, blink into the sun and get a freaking LIFE, even if it happens a decade too late. those little sprouts will become a pretty nice garden if i tend them right. tonight was the first step. let's do the damn thing.

7 comments:

  1. Happy Friday! I'm your newest follower!

    If you get a chance, please follow me too at:
    http://www.mommylivingthelifeofriley.com

    Have a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm here from Happy Friday Follow! I am now following you. Please check my blog at
    http://www.waccamawslegacy.blogspot.com

    Thanks!

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  3. I'm hoping those "little green tendrils" turn into big, bright, beautiful flowers very very soon!

    And sitting outside on a patio sounds so nice right about now...

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  4. I don't know what "Happy Friday Follow" is; I found you through Kim's blog. Anyway, I liked this entry, and I liked the part about being able to emerge from a fog and get a freaking life, even if it is a decade late. Because I am also pushing 30 harder than I would like, and really, really need to get a life.

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  5. hi to everyone who's new!

    rachel - follow friday is something i found over at the daily dose of reality (http://www.thedailydoseofreality.com/). sharing of bloggy goodness in a more organized manner. thanks for the kind words. i will be really happy to see my 20s go; there's been some good, but my lord, was it hard to get there...

    anna - thanks as always! :)

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  6. Glad you had a good time and wishing you the best in your new/old town. I put down some tendrils here four-plus years ago and they've grown into some pretty decent roots since then. I guess the ground is pretty fertile or something along those lines.

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  7. Hi there! Stopping in from Friday-Follow. Thanks so much for flying with us today. I'm following you now.

    I don't see the Friday-Follow button.

    Tami
    www.heartsmakefamilies.com

    ReplyDelete

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